I’m well-aware that I could continue on with my life without so much as a second look at any of all of this stuff in my past. In fact, that’s exactly what I’ve done until recently. The trouble is I suspect it may have something to do with whatever struggles and unrest I might ever experience at any given moment in my life. Things I never learned how to handle or manage. Coping skills and problem-solving skills I never quite mastered. Liiiike, speaking up for myself.
Read MoreThere is ever so much unrest and anger and resentment in the world right now. Apparently, there are folks out there who have been less than their best selves all this time. Here, in my tiny little world, I thought everything was fine. We all love, honor, and respect each other and want only the best for one another. Right? No? Wow.
Read MoreThese days, I imbibe in less addictive liquid. And now that our weather is really warming up, here’s what’s in my cup, and also, here’s my favorite cup.
Read MoreI still amaze myself every single time I choose to not drink. That’s how I can be a better version of me.
Read MoreSo I pick myself up, dust myself off and turn to what I’ve learned. And that is that I can do this. I recently realized something: I am one badass mother.
Read MoreDiscomfort, shame, irritation, frustration, exhaustion, sadness, pity, disappointment. None are nice, but all are survivable.
Read MoreJust like so many other Day Twos that have come before this one, it was a pretty good day. Although there was definitely a moment with the boys when I thought I could really stand to numb all of this.
Read MoreAhhh, Day 1, we meet again. I hate you. That’s what I should be counting; these Day 1s. I can’t even speculate how many there have been. They’ve become somewhat of a joke to me. Like, yeah, of course I’m not drinking today, but we all know it’s coming, so let’s get this over with.
Read MoreI am sick about this. I would give just about anything to NOT feel these stupid feelings. Fear, sadness, disappointment, anxiety, anger, humiliation, regret, shame, frustration, all the shitty feelings. God, this sucks. And the worst part is I don’t know what to do about it. Except drink. But I’m not. At least, not today.
Read MoreToday was a bit of a test. There were absolutely moments when I thought ‘Oh yeah, mama’s gonna need a drink after this!’. But I stayed strong and kept my wits about me so I could properly deal with the situation at hand. And you know what? I did it.
Read MoreI think I knew, subconsciously anyway, at a very young age that I would have a problem with alcohol.
Read More
I make stuff (see my Shop). I pet my wiener (dog ;) and our new puppy. I light a candle. I listen to good music. I go outside and feel the air around me. I drink lemonade with ginger ale. I clean out a drawer. I read books about sobriety and people who have gone through this before me. I give thanks for my life and my family and my little spot in the world.
Read More
A new day. That’s it. That’s the one. That’s my last chance at sobriety. This was where I was at in the middle of 2014, or maybe even in the beginning of that year. I had known I was heading toward sobriety for a long time. Say, ten years. (I’ll go into how my drinking started another time.) But early on, I was pretty sure it wasn’t going to end well; it was just a matter of how long was it going to take me, how bad was it going to get, and what kind of ending are we talking about?
Read More