Yet Another Day 1

Ahhh, Day 1, we meet again. I hate you. That’s what I should be counting; these Day 1s. I can’t even speculate how many there have been. They’ve become somewhat of a joke to me. Like, yeah, of course I’m not drinking today, but we all know it’s coming, so let’s get this over with.

As I listen for the second time to Clare Pooley’s The Sober Diaries, I’m noticing certain things more than I did the first go-round. One of those being the “one day at a time” angle. Yeah, I know it’s a motto of AA. And I’ve thought it many times. But now I’m seeing how I am constantly getting ahead of myself. Continuously thinking ahead to the next day, the next Friday (always super hard), the next week or month, and OMG how the hell can I expect myself to not drink ever again for the rest of my life. Just a tiny bit overwhelming. Derrr. This is why they say to take it one day at a time. I cannot let myself worry today about how I’m going to drink or not drink tomorrow.

Another one is the distraction tactic in the early days. Fridays especially, deserve extra distractions. I think I’ll try some good hot chocolate, on which Clare seems to rely. And I know I should sit my ass down on the couch and take a fucking break. I can do that. Not sure about a bath. It sounds lovely, but I’m just not comfortable enough in my own skin to take my bod in nothing but the birthday suit to sit in a tub, completely exposed. Plus, this is CA and that sounds like an incredible waste of water. And I hate when the water starts to cool off and it’s not quite hot anymore. I can go on and on. I guess I just don’t want to take a bath.

And now it’s crunch time. The wedding is just one month away. I do not want to be struggling with this when all that is happening. I want to feel good about sobriety and I want to enjoy all the festivities and friends and family. I want to have a month clean and savor the day, going to bed late that night super exhausted but happy and able to remember everything clearly.

So I’ll take this one day at a time, but my goal is one month. Then I’ll reevaluate and set a new goal. Maybe 100 days. I can do this. I know I can. And I have to.