Sober Saturday (sometimes)

Sometimes, I have to break the drinking habit again. I’ll have some good stretches of sobriety and then I fall off the proverbial wagon and must get back on. Which brings me to today. Saturday, May 2nd, 2020. Alcohol has crept back into my life and I am not OK with that. When it starts demanding too much of my attention (thinking about drinking, planning when I’ll be drinking, worrying about how much I’m drinking) and taking up too much of my time (drinking, not sleeping well, and waking up hungover), then I know it’s time to lay off the sauce.

So I pick myself up, dust myself off and turn to what I’ve learned. And that is that I can do this. I recently realized something:

I am one badass mother.

All this time I thought I was failing, but I wasn’t. I was learning and practicing and aiming high. I was studying and discovering. I was researching and investigating and doing my homework. I was getting to know myself better and getting to the bottom of all this. I was trying things on for size and trying every trick in the book. I was trying. I was figuring out how this happened and figuring out what to do about it. I was seeing what worked and what didn’t. I was searching and finding myself and community and allies and solutions and answers. I was doing the work to make this work. I was succeeding. I win.

Boom. Mic drop.

What does this mean for me?

It means I want to be healthy and not pour poison down my throat.

I can do hard things.

Funk happens and the feelings do fizzle out.

I can walk away or sit down or run.

Light a candle and change the music.

We are all fucked up and it’s OK.

I am not the only one.

Let shit go.

Forgive.

There is always good to be found.

Celebrate every day.

Let’s have a good, dry week. See you next Saturday.

If you are in (or around) this boat too, join my Facebook Group: Mommy Sobriety.