Sober Saturday (Happy Mother's Day!)
I amaze myself every single time I choose to not drink. There’s that “witching hour”, otherwise know as “happy hour”, when I don’t even recognize myself. It truly is as though I am being possessed by some kind of dim-witted demon who really, really, really wants to get drunk. Like a sweet, feminine version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. And I desperately DO NOT want Mr. Hyde to win!
Often, when I make this choice, that is the good choice, I have given myself a moment to stop and think about what I really NEED and WANT, rather than a drink. Yeah, of course I want world peace, and for God’s sake I want this pandemic to be OVER. But I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about minor, vague, even obscure things.
A really good bra that fits and feels good and supports the girls without making me look like a pin-up girl from the 50s or Madonna circa 1990
Or how about a clean kitchen when I get home
A quiet seat on the couch with a magazine all to myself
To remember the name of that one actor who played in that show but who I remember from when I was a kid, maybe from watching that soap with my Aunt that summer
Our dog to be worn out tonight from her play date so she’s too tired to roll in cat shit for a day or two
To finally sit down and learn everything I can about trauma and how it applies to me and what’s more, how to heal from it
And what is this “mother wound” thing?
And coping skills, I need those.
I WANT to be a better version of myself. I NEED to be a better version of myself. When I choose not to drink, I CAN be a better version of myself. And I almost always am, without hardly trying.
I know I’ve kinda lowered the bar. And by “kinda”, I mean drastically. But still. I can choose to continue to lower the bar or I can choose to rise above it. Obviously, best for everyone involved if I choose the latter. Of course, there’s that pesky self-sabotaging behavior I practice, and at which I excel, if I do say so myself. Yet another thing I need to look up. For now, let’s see it for what it is: a nasty habit that does me no good at all. Clearly, this is something that must be overcome. That’s good; at least that much I know! Yay me!
I’ve learned so much already. Let’s keep going. Onward and upward!
Celebrate every day.
Here’s to a safe and sober week. See you next Saturday.
If you are in (or around) this boat too, join my Facebook Group: Mommy Sobriety.