Just like so many other Day Twos that have come before this one, it was a pretty good day. Although there was definitely a moment with the boys when I thought I could really stand to numb all of this.
Read MoreAhhh, Day 1, we meet again. I hate you. That’s what I should be counting; these Day 1s. I can’t even speculate how many there have been. They’ve become somewhat of a joke to me. Like, yeah, of course I’m not drinking today, but we all know it’s coming, so let’s get this over with.
Read MoreI am sick about this. I would give just about anything to NOT feel these stupid feelings. Fear, sadness, disappointment, anxiety, anger, humiliation, regret, shame, frustration, all the shitty feelings. God, this sucks. And the worst part is I don’t know what to do about it. Except drink. But I’m not. At least, not today.
Read MoreToday was a bit of a test. There were absolutely moments when I thought ‘Oh yeah, mama’s gonna need a drink after this!’. But I stayed strong and kept my wits about me so I could properly deal with the situation at hand. And you know what? I did it.
Read MoreI think I knew, subconsciously anyway, at a very young age that I would have a problem with alcohol.
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This stuff is life changing, y’all! I cannot believe this miracle in mascara technology actually exists. You’re welcome.
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Shocking, I know, but each of us is unique, different, special. From pregnancy symptoms to parenting methods, no two of us are alike. That’s what makes the world go ’round. It takes all kinds.
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He’s got better things to do. Always has. Ryan is now a junior in high school and has just switched to our district’s continuation high school. This in hopes that their model will be better suited to him than the traditional high school model.
Buuuuut, not even a week in and he ditched the whole day Friday. Now, I’m no prude. I know kids ditch, cut, whatever.
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I make stuff (see my Shop). I pet my wiener (dog ;) and our new puppy. I light a candle. I listen to good music. I go outside and feel the air around me. I drink lemonade with ginger ale. I clean out a drawer. I read books about sobriety and people who have gone through this before me. I give thanks for my life and my family and my little spot in the world.
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A new day. That’s it. That’s the one. That’s my last chance at sobriety. This was where I was at in the middle of 2014, or maybe even in the beginning of that year. I had known I was heading toward sobriety for a long time. Say, ten years. (I’ll go into how my drinking started another time.) But early on, I was pretty sure it wasn’t going to end well; it was just a matter of how long was it going to take me, how bad was it going to get, and what kind of ending are we talking about?
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On December 13, 2014, I quit a decade of binge drinking. Before you read about that, I think it’s important to give some background and share a few snippets from my drinking days, as I inched closer and closer to sobriety. Dark and blurry times. These are excerpts from writing I did during the later years of my drinking. Painful, but honest.
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I’m never done figuring this out, learning lessons, and making improvements. Recently, I’ve had to remind myself, DON’T OVERTHINK IT!!! Most of the time, I’ve done plenty of thinking and planning; now it’s time to just do it! Thinking more and more about what to do when and in what order is not going to help. Melanie, pick one and start. No back-talk!
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Not too many things feel worse than failing your kid. But that happens sometimes. It happened to me a couple of months ago.
I can write about it now because Ryan finally did land a job. An honest-to-goodness, bonafide, paid job for realsies. (Read about that little journey here.) Since he turned 16 in October, he has been “trying” to get a job. By “trying”, I mean sort of looking, kinda submitting applications,
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I figure I’d better not look back, probably shouldn’t count the days it has taken me, or curse my own procrastination. Nope, let’s just move forward. No make-up, lousy hair, and wearin’ my grubbies, this won’t be my best selfie, but here I am.
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